


one million miles on a stick horse

by petrasbooty234



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Multi, au where ymir is a private investigator, to be continued because I'm lame and don't update fast enough, waitress!Christa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 04:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petrasbooty234/pseuds/petrasbooty234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ymir is a private investigator sent to work on a case in the small town of Clearwater.</p><p>Title is lovingly stolen from the novel Where Things Come Back by John Corey Whaley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Your Case is like a naked banana, it just lacks a peal

The ringing of her desk telephone snapped a young woman out of her day dream.

"Ymir Hendricks, Private Investigator."

"Are you investigating the death of Martin Riess?" The voice on the other end growled.

"Not yet."

"Will you, please?"

Ymir furrowed her brow. _Why hadn't he called to make an appointment...?_

"I suppose so. What's your name and phone number?"

The voice on the other end groaned. "Look, I don't have time right now. I'll call this office later. Check in the town of Clearwater. You'll find answers there." At that, the line went dead.

 

Hours later, Ymir found herself inside of a cramped company car with 3 weeks of luggage crammed in the trunk. The long, winding highway was covered with the orange and red leaves of bared trees, and the early morning weather was brisk and pleasant. Ymir took the opportunity to hang her arm outside of the window and blast alternative rock through the Acura's small speaker system. This, along with the beautiful scenery, made the four hour drive quite pleasant for her. Small towns were dotted across the hilly landscape. Large patches of land in between them were filled with cotton and soybean fields, almost ready to be harvested for winter.

Clearwater was so small she almost passed straight through it. A small cluster of houses down two or three streets (Ymir hadn't bothered to pay attention), and a cookie cutter downtown only aimed at tourists. She pulled off the highway into the parking lot of a small diner and got out to stretch her legs and grab a cup of coffee.

Upon opening the door, she entered into a small gift shop section.

"I'll be with you in a second, Hun!" A voice came from the back.

Ymir ambled around the store and was surprised to find it mainly consisted of peanuts, peanut memorabilia, and t-shirts with peanut puns in large, black letters. She found a small selection of wines and candies in the very back corner, but mainly peanut based or peanut butter. The brunette made her way to the front of the establishment and was greeted by a short, plump, blond haired woman.

"Welcome to Clearwater's main attraction, the world famous Clearwater diner!" She trilled in a southern drawl. Ymir raised an eyebrow at the woman's enthusiasm.

"Hello. May I have a cup of coffee and a menu?"

"'Shore thing darlin', just follow me," she sang as she led Ymir to a small table by a window, giving her a decent view of the small town's main road.

"Wave one of us down if you need anything, alright?" The woman drawled while walking away.

Moments later, a cup of coffee was placed on her table by another waitress; however, she was about Ymir's age, with pretty blond hair and clear blue eyes. The investigator spoke to her with a confident smile just as she was about to leave.

"Miss?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I have an interview?"

The girl turned around and frowned at Ymir.

"Why?"

"I'm a private investigator visiting for a case."

The girl seemed to relax at this and pranced over, sliding into the seat opposite Ymir, causing the brunette to grin.

"What's your name?"

"Christa Renz," she replied, wiping her hands on her pants, "What's your’s?”

"Ymir Hendricks," the investigator answered.

"What do you need to ask me about?" Christa spoke.

"The scandal involving Martin Riess."

Christa visibly paled at the statement. "I don't know anything about it."

Ymir turned her head to the side and narrowed her eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," the girl nodded furiously.

The investigator sighed. "Okay then. Do you know anyone else who can help me?"

Christa shrugged. "Not really."

"I suppose I'll knock on doors later then," Ymir replied, "In the meantime, while we're both here, tell me about yourself," Ymir felt herself grinning. Christa frowned again.

"Why?"

"I'm just trying to make friends, Christa."

"I'm nineteen and hate working under my mother. I'm terrible at sports but like to read. I play the violin and sing. I had straight A's every year except freshman year and was a part of National Honor Society, but still can't get into college," she rambled, "What about you?"

"I'm twenty-one, a private investigator who works under a clean freak, his crazy ass wife, and asshole who spent, like, ten years in the military. I already have my associate's degree. I suck at calculus but I'm great at video games. All my grades were terrible," she rambled in a similar fashion.

Christa nodded and looked out of the window, over the highway traffic. An awkward silence settled between the two. "I've got to go back to work." Ymir frowned as she stood up.

"Look, come back later and we can talk then. I won't leave forever. You look like you need some friends, anyway," Christa grinned.

She went back into the kitchen. Ymir spent roughly four minutes contemplating whether that last sentence was an insult or an observation. She then paid her bill and quickly walked out, suddenly feeling oddly unwelcome. Spending about twenty minutes on the road, she found a nearby chain hotel and checked in for three weeks. Upon flopping on the bed, she immediately fell into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Thank You Based Erwin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dead snakes and chess competitions  
> *the formatting in these is terrible omg ill fix it later tho*

Ymir had never been more scared of anyone than Christa's mother. She wasn't afraid of her boss, Erwin, and his cold, distant personality, nor was she afraid of Mike, the big, burly head of the local police department with an odd habit of sniffing people, but the thought of facing the short, plump, sassy blond woman terrified the brunette.

She stumbled into the Clearwater diner at half past 8, hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, in a grey dress shirt and wrinkly slacks. Christa opened the kitchen door and grinned at her.

"Hey, sleepyhead! Sleep well?"

"Not exactly," Ymir replied while taking her usual spot by the window.

"Coffee?"

"Sure."

Christa's mother poked her head out the kitchen. "Stop flirting and get back to work!"

"I'm not, mother!" Christa snapped back. The blond placed two cups of coffee on the table and gingerly sat across from Ymir.

"How's the case going?"

Ymir shrugged, and then sighed. "Nowhere," she admitted, "I have no clue what I'm doing."

Christa's blue eyes lit up. "I can help you, if you'd like. Give me like two seconds." She came out of the back in an old t-shirt advertising the diner and a pair of jeans.

Ymir stood and tossed the keys to the blond. "You're driving." Christa shrugged.

The two climbed into the Acura, and as Ymir was fiddling with the radio, she warned the blond, "This is a company car, don't wreck it," which prompted a response from Christa.

"Why'd you let me drive, then?"

The brunette simply shrugged and changed the radio to a rap station.

"Don't drop that thun thun thun? Really?"

Ymir grinned and rolled down the windows.

"I swear to God, if you get me in trouble, I will beat your ass."

Ymir raised an eyebrow and smirked, "Is that a challenge?"

Christa grinned, "Yes, yes it is."

Stopping at a red light, Christa sighed. "I'm taking control of the radio." Ymir grinned and opened a pack of gum. It was a huge change from Don't Drop That Thun Thun Thun to Yellow Submarine, and Christa found it much more enjoyable then Ymir. The brunette didn't say anything as Christa pulled into the parking lot of an old bait and tackle shop. Upon climbing out, Christa gave a short warning to Ymir, "Behave." The brunette simply followed her inside. Christa yelled out a greeting after running off to go find the owner.

The inside of Johnson's Family Bait and Tackle was like a vast, unexplored jungle. It was easy to imagine the tall, skinny fishing poles as large towering trees and the huge plastic fish hanging from the ceiling as large tropical birds. The lights overhead flickered often, giving the illusion of being on the floor of a jungle. In the back stood a variety of tall, glowing refrigerators carrying every type of bait you can imagine and some you didn't know existed. Ymir was pleasantly surprised when Christa handed her a tub of bait with an actual snake head inside.

Mr. Johnson, the owner, was a balding, overzealous man who, according to Christa, had actually known Mr. Reiss for quite some time.

"Yeah, I don't exactly know what happened with him," he stated, leaning back against a display of fishing nets, "Some say he was murdered, some say it was an accident, and still some say he overdosed on somethin'. The autopsy hasn't come back neither. All I know is that he stopped calling me one day and then they suddenly announced he was dead."

Ymir don't know how it happened, but against better judgment and Christa's persuasion ("It'd be nice if we didn't just waste his time, ya know?") the two left with a tub of snake bait and two Mountain Dews. Christa flopped into the driver seat and grinned at Ymir.

"What the hell are we doing with a bucket of garden snake parts?" Ymir asked, buckling her seat belt.

Christa pulled out of the lot. "I didn't want to be rude. You should try it for a change."

"Aren't they gonna, like, rot or something?"

"Probably? Maybe not, though. Stuff's full of preservatives."

"It doesn't bother you at all that we are carrying a dead snake’s body, entrails and all?"

"Not really."

Ymir shook her head and sighed. "You're a strange bird, Christa."

"Love you too, Ymir."

Christa began driving north, and Ymir hung her arm out the window and enjoyed not driving for once. The brunette let her mind wander, but came to the conclusion that Christa knew something and was hiding it from her. They had become fast friends, and Ymir sincerely wished she wouldn't have to ruin their relationship. Christa broke into Ymir's thoughts.

"So I'm taking you to the general store and you can spend three hours talking to the old guys out front while I ask the manager and employees stuff."

"I didn't think this was a team effort."

"It is now."

When they pulled in front of O'Connell's General Store, Ymir saw a group of older gentleman huddled around a table. Christa grinned at her and gave a small "Good Luck."

Ymir walked up the group and heard strange murmurs and angry whispers of "He stole his knight!" and "Oh My God, Jim protect your bishop!"

"Um, excuse me gentlemen," Ymir began, "I need some information."

A short, grumpy looking man with a mop of black, curly hair walked over to her. He grabbed a cigarette box out of his chest pocket and lit one, blowing smoke into Ymir's face. Flopping into a rocking chair multiple yards away, Ymir followed him.

"What do you want?"

"Do you know anything about Martin Riess?"

The man's scowl grew deepened. He threw out a string of expletives before continuing. "Yeah, he tried to shut down the peanut plant that supplies this town with most of its money two years ago. Why?"

"I'm investigating his death, sir."

"Why would you even care?"

"It's my job, sir."

He adjusts his position and sighs, tousling his hair and looking defeated.

"Chances are he was murdered, although I wouldn't bet on it."

He proceeded to go on a long tangent of how he knew Martin, what his motives were, and probably why Martin was killed. Ymir left that conversation with loads of information. Just as she was finishing up, Christa skipped out and pecked her friend on the cheek.

"Come on, it’s late and I need a ride home."

The two flopped into Ymir's car. "Did you actually get any information?" The brunette asked.

The blond shrugged and grinned. "Nothing."


End file.
